A defiant child
A defiant child wants to be just like you and do everything you are doing, but you stop them. They want to be the teacher in every way, so let them.
Step 1 What is the child trying to say? What does the child need? Do they need to show you how they can do what you are doing?
Step 2 Think of the end result you want ie serve lunch.
Step 3 Give the lunch problem to your defiant child to solve and step back out of their way.
This works well with all aspects of the routine. When children contribute to activities and routines everyone gains both energy and confidence. We usually do too much for children because we are caught up in our timeframe and adult routine. We jump in and set the table, serve their lunch, make their beds, sweep and mop the floor etc. How do children feel when this occurs? While it may take much longer when children assist, they get a sense of achievement.